Jack Torrance v. Annie Wilkes
Jack Torrance v. Annie Wilkes is a What-If Death Battle. Introduction Wiz: Stephen King is the most renowned horror writer of his generations, bringing to life some of the most terrifying supernatural villains of the 20th century. Yet his most horrifying creations are very much human. Boomstick: Like Jack Torrance, the last father you'd want to be locked in a hotel with... Wiz: And Annie Wilkes, any author's worst nightmare. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick! Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle! Jack Torrance Introduction Wiz: The life of an author who is also a parent is truly difficult. While one must devote time and effort to one’s craft, one must also manage and maintain a family. Boomstick: That’s the pickle Jack Torrance found himself in when he married his wife, Wendy, and had his son, Danny. But, while most writers who have kids tend to favor either their books or their children, Jackie boy here decided to be terrible at both. Wiz: Exhausted by his life and traumatized by his own bad experiences as a child, Jack became dependent on alcohol, illegal drugs, and women to make up for his spiritual emptiness. This became so bad that he ended up losing his job as a teacher, jeopardizing his family’s welfare. Boomstick: That’s not even the half of it. One time, in a drunken rage, he broke his own son’s arm. What a douche! ' '''Wiz: Ashamed, Jack swore to his wife that he’d stop the drinking and drug abuse and get a new job to feed the family. '''Boomstick: It’s too bad that new job was taking care of the worst hotel ever!' Wiz: You see, the Overlook Hotel, the Torrance family’s new home, was built upon an ancient Native American battleground. It is said to be haunted by the spirits of both the Native Americans who died there and anyone else who happened to die in the hotel. Boomstick: Which is quite a lot of ghosts, seeing as most caretakers in the Overlook have a habit of going on murderous rampages and killing their families. Wiz: However, Jack was determined to break the cycle and not kill those he loved. Instead, he would take the time to rekindle his familial relationships and finish his novel. Boomstick: Guess how that turned out… Clip: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy repeated over and over again. Arsenal and Abilities Wiz: Influenced by the ghosts of the hotel, Jack tried to murder his family in cold blood. Boomstick: He of course raided the hotel bar for all it was worth, first. Wiz: In his hunt, he decided to use the most threatening object he could find in the hotel… a croquet mallet. Boomstick: …Really? Wiz: Yes, really. Boomstick: One of the scariest horror villains of all time, and his primary weapon is a tool used by old men on their Sunday games at the country club? F*** it! I’m done! Wiz: Hold it, Boomstick, don’t judge a weapon by its cover. Despite a croquet mallet being relatively fragile, it is also incredibly light and fast. Think of it as a combination of an axe and a baseball bat; together, they create a weapon that, while not lethal on first hit, can certainly knock someone out in one shot. Boomstick: Still not buying it, Wiz. You’re going to have to give me something more threatening than that. Wiz: Well, if you want something actually scary… Jack: Here’s Johnny! Wiz: Behold Jack Torrance’s felling axe. While only featured in the 1980 Stanley Kubrick movie adaptation, it is by far Jack Torrance’s most famous and dangerous weapon. Boomstick: That’s one shiny axe. I WANT IT!! Wiz: The traditional felling axe is usually used only to cut down small tree limbs. Jack has used his axe to smash through locked doors and anyone foolish enough to stand in his way. Jack: '' '''Boomstick: Yeah, when he’s in the mindset, Jack can cut anybody down to size. What’s worse, he’s almost always in that mindset.' Wiz: Jack’s moments of rage are fueled by one of the most aggressively violent cases of alcoholism in fictional history. Combining his alcohol and drug proclivities, he can be extremely unpredictable. Boomstick: I can’t quite remember the last time I combined drugs and alcohol… Wiz: You killed our pet turtle with a flamethrower. Boomstick: Well, at least I proved Koopa Troopas aren’t fireproof! Wiz: Anyways, Jack’s also got one other element fueling his rage. Boomstick: That’s right. He’s got the power of ghosts! Wiz: Well, sort of. As the caretaker of the Overlook Hotel, Jack is subject to its demonic influence, especially the spirits of previous murderous caretakers. Boomstick: And, since once Jack gets an idea into his head, he’s bound to follow through, one can expect that those ghosts are able to persuade him to help them pretty quickly. Wiz: It’s also quite possible that the ghosts are a figment of Jack’s imagination, a byproduct of his developing extremely severe cabin fever. Boomstick: But, if that hypothesis were true, that would make him even less predictable and even more dangerous. Feats Wiz: Absolutely. Jack’s insanity has caused him to lash out in extremely violent and dangerous ways in the past. Boomstick: Like the time he cleaved through a door with only 12 swings of his axe, overhead mind you, without getting tired. Wiz: Or the time he murdered most recent guardian of the Overlook Hotel by surprising him from the opposite side of the screen. Boomstick: Or, in my personal scariest moment, the time he pursued his son throughout a hedge maze in below freezing weather and survived… Weaknesses Wiz: Or not. You see, in spite of Jack Torrance being a vicious killer willing to kill his family at a ghost’s command, he is very much human and weak to any blow that could normally kill someone. Boomstick: One must also add in the fact that his alcoholism has occasionally led him to make some boneheaded moves, like openly goading his wife into hitting him in the face with a baseball bat or slashing his hand with a bread knife. Wiz: And most important of all, his determination to kill his family ultimately ended up killing him when he subjected his body to either too much cold in the movie or getting blown up in a boiler explosion in the book. Boomstick: That said, he’s always been able to shrug off minor blows and his death has only ever emerged from extenuating circumstances. Wiz: That’s right. And his alcoholism and drug abuse have only served to further his lethality. He’s a force so frightening that even the Shining, the ability to contact spirits, is not enough to stop him. Boomstick: He’s the dad not even a son could love, but he’s certainly no dull boy. Wiz: When it comes to bad parenting, Jack Torrance is the only man who could put Darth Vader to shame. Jack: Hi Lloyd. Little slow tonight, isn’t it? '' Annie Wilkes '''Introduction' Boomstick: The city of Bakersfield, California – a wonderful little city known mostly for its long history of excellent country music. I can’t tell you the number of Merle Haggard songs I’ve got on my Ipod. Wiz: Bakersfield also produced one of the most infamous female killers in horror novel history, but few realized this fact at first. Annie Wilkes was a promising graduate of the Los Angeles Nursing School of the University of California. The young Annie joined the maternity ward of a hospital in Colorado, where her homicidal tendencies first gained public attention. Boomstick: You see, a bunch of the babies under her care had a habit of dying. And this wasn’t sudden infant death syndrome; they tended to die in more… violent circumstances. Wiz: Enough infants died so as to warrant the attention of the authorities, who tried Annie for the neglect and murder of the infants. She got off, due to lack of evidence, but posthumous investigations discovered a far more extensive career of murder. Boomstick: Annie had been killing people long before she started murdering children. As a kid, she murdered both her own father and an entire neighboring family. She also killed her college roommate and a hitchhiker unfortunate enough to sleep with her. Wiz: By the end of her killing spree, Annie Wilkes had killed 70 people. Pursued by the police, Annie decided to lie low from the law. It was during this time that she first read the Misery Chastain novels of a writer named Paul Sheldon. Boomstick: She really liked the reading… and I mean really liked the reading. How much so? Well, when Mr. Sheldon got into a car accident, Annie retrieved him from his car and tried to nurse him back to health. You know, for a serial killer, at least she has some sympathy for her favorite author. Wiz: I would be careful about what you say, Boomstick. For it’s clear Annie didn’t actually love the author. She only loved his creation – the fictional character, Misery Chastain. Thus, when Annie discovered Paul had killed off Misery in the latest book in her series, she did not take it well. At all. Annie: I DON’T WANT HER DEAD! I WANT HER! AND YOU MURDERED HER! Arsenal and Abilities Wiz': '''Turns out Annie was willing to do anything to bring her favorite character back to life, including torturing the author in the nastiest ways possible. And what an arsenal of torture she uses. '''Boomstick: Like her own felling axe, which she used in the novel to cut Paul Sheldon’s legs off! Jesus!' Wiz: Or, even worse, her sledgehammer, which she used in the film to hobble Paul in the same way. Shows the hobbling clip Boomstick: I think I’m going to be sick. Wiz: Tell me about it. Boomstick: Annie also owns a certified industrial chainsaw. While she’s never actually successfully used it on a person, we do know she owns it and we do know she’s dangerous. But her nastiest hand to hand weapon might just be her religious icons: the cross she has hanging in her house. Boomstick: No… Wiz: That’s right, Boomstick. When a local sheriff tried to save Paul from Annie, she kind of drove that cross into his heart. Boomstick: Policemen aren’t vampires! Stabbing them with crosses is NOT OK!! Wiz: But Annie Wilkes doesn’t rely solely on her melee weapons. She has occasionally used firearms to make the kill. Boomstick: Like the time she used a .38 magnum to prepare a murder-suicide pact for her favorite author. Only problem with that gun as a weapon is that she is only ever shown to have two bullets. Wiz: She also owns a shotgun which she occasionally uses, but she only ever does that in the movie. Boomstick: Hey, does this chick just have a bias against shotguns? I don’t like this lady. Wiz: Last, but certainly not least, she has her single most dangerous weapon: her lawn mower. Sounds simple? Well, keep in mind that she has used her lawn mower as her chief way of cutting up the bodies of her victims. Boomstick: I’m going to be sick again… Wiz: Oddly enough, though, Annie Wilkes would probably be able to help you. In spite of her penchant for killing people, Annie Wilkes is a highly trained nurse who does know how to cure a large number of injuries and ailments. Boomstick: But, unlike any other doctor, Annie is more than willing to break the “do no harm” rule. She often withholds medication from her victims as a way to psychologically break them and physically torture them. Kind of like Wiz when we order out… Wiz: We ordered those pizzas so we could research their effect on a ninja turtle’s diet, not so you could eat them yourself! Boomstick: Well, excuuuse me, Wiz, but when I don’t get pizza, my shotgun leg gets a firing! Feats Wiz: Getting back on topic, Annie Wilkes is clearly no slouch when it comes to killing. Boomstick: No kidding. Annie has killed at least 70 people of all different ages. She also has never hesitated to kill anyone, be it a cop, her family, or even babies. Wiz: She’s also remarkably strong. In the film adaptation of Misery, ''she was shown swinging a ten pound sledgehammer as if it were nothing as well as hoisting a heavy wooden chair over her head without any effort. '''Boomstick: And did we mention the fact that Annie Wilkes is completely insane! She’s bipolar to the extreme and prone to massive fits of rage.' Wiz: Add in the fact that she’s remarkably hard to kill – surviving getting a heavy statue smashed into her head – and one’s got a serial killer who is any author’s worst nightmare. Weaknesses Boomstick: But, while Annie Wilkes’s killing record is remarkable, it’s also quite inconsistent. Though she uses firearms, she is a really bad shot. Wiz: Granted, she was very nearly blinded by Paul Sheldon before that and she still hit his shoulder. Boomstick: That’s not the point, Wiz. Her hesitance and ineffectiveness with her most dangerous weapons – her guns – forces her into a physical confrontation, in which she has been successfully wrestled with by a guy in a wheelchair. Wiz: It’s true. Annie was eventually killed by a man she crippled, but he only did so after days upon days of planning. Boomstick: But Paul Sheldon used Annie’s most important weakness against her: her fandom. Wiz: When Paul burned his new Misery Chastain novel in front of Annie, she was briefly completely paralyzed, giving him ample time to strike back. Should someone burn her favorite characters, she could be similarly stopped dead. Boomstick: But God help you if she breaks that paralysis, as she’ll snap your neck as soon as look at you. Wiz: It’s true. When it comes to fans, there isn’t anyone more dangerous than Annie Wilkes. She’s completely psychotic and completely murderous. Boomstick: God help the book club this woman joins. Annie Wilkes: God I love you… Fight Wiz: All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!! Jack Torrance is in the middle of the Overlook Hotel parlor, clacking away at his typewriter. The text reads, “redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum,” repeated for dozens of lines and pages. He looks up momentarily, to see a balding man stand before him. Jack looks him over briefly before breaking out into a grin that’s a bit too cheery for a sane person. Jack: Ah, Mr. Grady. How are you? Grady: There’s someone in the hotel, Mr. Torrance. You know what you must do. Take care of the problem: permanently. Jack: Oh yes, Mr. Grady. I certainly won’t forget to take care of this job. The camera pans to reveal that Jack isn’t actually talking to anyone corporeal. Jack stops typing and picks up his croquet mallet. There is a knocking at the door to the parlor, to which Jack turns his head and smiles villainously at the camera. He shuffles over to the door, holding the croquet mallet in his right hand while grasping the handle in his left. He looks through a peephole to see a woman’s face. Jack: Who is it? Annie: Mr. Torrance, I’m Annie Wilkes. I just read your latest play, and I thought it was amazing. All the clever lines – “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” – they inspired me. I was just hoping to get an autograph while I was here. At this, Jack is somewhat startled. He has a brief flashback in which he throws out his old manuscript in a trash can by the tool shed. Disturbed by the thought of someone rooting through the Overlook’s trash, he cracks open the door. Jack: Who are you? In the middle of the doorway stands Annie holding a bloody axe. Annie: I’m your biggest fan. And I’m going to need you to come with me. A brief moment of terror flashes in Jack’s eyes, but Mr. Grady appears behind Annie. Grady: Permanently, Jack. You do know what that means. As Grady vanishes into the wind, Jack resumes his villainous smile and more firmly clutches his croquet mallet. Jack: Let’s dance. Announcer: FIGHT! Annie Wilkes raises her axe above her head in order to cleave Jack in two, but he swings his croquet mallet at her stomach before she can finish her swing. He lands a hit, forcing her to drop the axe and stumble backwards. Jack keeps up the attack, striking Annie solidly in the arm and even a good blow across the head. Annie falls to the ground, almost unconscious, as a trickle of blood streams down from her head. Jack leaps astride her, readying his croquet mallet for a final smash through Annie’s skull. Annie opens her eyes at the last moment before she rolls out of the way of the strike. She quickly gnaws into Jack’s left leg with her teeth, causing Jack to scream in pain and drop his mallet. Annie quickly wrestles him to the ground and begins savagely smashing Jack’s head into the floor. Jack, dazed but far from out, quickly turns the tide upon Annie, pinning her to the ground. He tries to strangle her; Annie’s face turns bright red as the blood rushes right to her head. At first, she grabs at Jack’s own neck, but her hands soon turn to her sides, where she unstraps a shattered Christian cross from her side. Running out of air, she uses the last of her strength to plunge the cross’s sharp end into Jack’s leg. Jack falls onto his own back, clutching at his leg and writhing in agony. Annie takes the moment of respite to get up and flee the room entirely, gasping for air as she rounds the corner. A fire appears in her eyes as she instinctively heads for one of the upstairs bathrooms. Jack, panting heavily, tears the cross from out of his leg, the wound now beating profusely. Voices surround him, instructing him to purge the intruder from the hotel. With what little knowledge of medicine Jack has, he lurches over to the bar and pours alcohol all over his wound before cauterizing it with a lighter. Incensed and hurting, Jack grabs Annie’s abandoned axe and gives it a few hefts. Jack: This is the only nice thing about that b****. Jack takes a quick swig of some whiskey before lurching about the hotel looking for Annie, all the while singing “Pop Goes the Weasel” out loud. We see a brief cut of Annie in the bathroom of Room 236; she has bandaged her head wound and loaded her pistol. Her eyes turn to the door as Jack’s singing becomes louder and louder. She takes aim directly at the door just as Jack rounds the corner. She hears a faint thudding at the door, so she inches closer. However, she soon hears the thud turn into a horrifying crack, just as Jack finishes singing: Jack: POP goes the weasel! On the word “pop,” the axe crashes through the door, leaving a massive hole. Annie Wilkes fires two shots before running out of bullets. Neither of them hits Jack, but one does break through the handle of the axe. As Jack mutters to himself, Jack: That b****… Annie bowls him over while running out the door. Jack, with only one leg uninjured, hobbles after her at a somewhat slower pace. The battle soon cuts to outside, as Annie runs over to the tool shed. She quickly locks the door, fumbling about to find something she can use as a weapon. She sees an object lying in the corner; a brief smile appears on her face. Jack, meanwhile, has stuffed his manuscript into his pocket, having taken the time to pick it up while pursuing his prey. Better yet, he sees his own axe lying at the side of the woodshed. Jack: She only keeps making this easier for me. Now with a better axe, Jack only needs one swing to smash through the lock of the shed. He looks out into the dark, ultimately finding Annie in the corner, an object hidden behind her leg. He smiles drunkenly as he pulls his manuscript from his pants pocket and places it on the ground. Jack: Here’s what I think of your opinion of my work. With that, Jack smashes away at his new “book,” cleaving it in half. Annie screams in anger. Annie: NO!! You wouldn’t dare destroy my beautiful story! Annie lunges towards the tattered pages, right in Jack’s line of fire. Delighted, Jack pulls his axe overhead to make one final swing. He roars with delight as he swings the axe down. We hear a sickening squelch as Jack lands his blow. He leans his head back to the sky as he declares in victory: Jack: It’s a home run! And the crowd goes wild! Jack laughs, still facing the sky. Yet, as he finishes laughing, he doesn’t hear his expected silence. All he hears is slow breaths coming from a very much alive Annie Wilkes. Annie: You drunken, lousy, evil, mother******* cocksucker. You destroyed my novel without even destroying me. Jack looks down to see his axe inches away from Annie Wilkes’s head; he completely missed without realizing it. Annie leans up to full height and slams Jack into a wall. Annie: You murdered her. Now I’m going to murder YOU! She quickly rushes over to the corner where she produces the object she’d been hiding: a sledgehammer. Jack, realizing what has happened, rushes forward and grabs his axe. This time, he does not intend to miss. The two swing their heavy weapons at each other, both missing several times. Just as both are getting exhausted, Jack manages to cleave through Annie’s left foot with his axe. He smiles as she screams, but it’s the last thing he has a chance to do before Annie smashes her sledgehammer completely through his pelvis. Jack falls to the ground, dropping his axe and clutching his side. Annie Wilkes swings again, this time smashing the sledgehammer onto Jack’s ribcage. Now covered in blood coughed up from his injuries, Jack sees Mr. Grady one more time, hovering above Annie’s head. Grady: I see this problem could not be resolved. It is time we terminated your contract, Mr. Torrance. Farewell. As Grady leaves, Jack appears to be restored to some sanity. But all he can notice is the deranged woman, furious with rage, revving up the handheld lawn mower inside the tool shed. Jack Torrance screams in agony as Annie Wilkes slowly and painfully runs him over with the lawnmower. Annie clicks off the lawn mower just as she looks at her mangled and deceased foe. Annie: Now, my Misery, you can rest in peace. Announcer: K.O.!! Conclusion Boomstick: That was disgusting... Let's watch it again!! Wiz: Both Jack and Annie Wilkes were relatively equal in terms of weapons and strength. Jack's overhead axe strikes certainly equal Annie's more limited swings with her somewhat heavier sledgehammer, and Annie's lack of proficiency with firearms made that factor relatively irrelevant. Thus, the main issue was a matter of insanity itself: which combatant's insanity leads to a combative advantage? Boomstick: Jack's demonic influence from the Overlook Hotel, while not strictly supernatural, does give him tenacity unlike almost anyone else. However, that's not actually Jack himself being crazy; that's just the ghosts telling him what to do. If he were in any place other than the Overlook Hotel, he'd basically be an ordinary, albeit alcoholic, guy. Wiz: Even if the ghosts are a byproduct of a psychological disorder, like paranoid schizophrenia, that could appear anywhere, they wouldn't automatically make Jack more vicious. The key theme of The Shining is that giving in to one's carnal and vicious urges can turn one into a terrible person. And Jack's character is defined by said struggle. Boomstick: There is at least some good in him, but he just ends up losing to his dark side. Annie Wilkes, though... there was no good side to begin with. Wiz: Unlike Jack, Annie Wilkes shows clear signs of bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and antisocial personality disorder, the last of which being the primary disorder found in real-life serial killers. Considering the fact that she has murdered at least 70 people, we know that she's left any concept of morality or hesitation far behind. Boomstick: Even if Jack somehow managed to exploit her weakness to burning books, he'd probably be too drunk to finish Annie off in one blow. Plus, there's also the fact that Annie Wilkes has clearly preyed upon writers in the past, so killing Jack would be like child's play. Wiz: In short terms, while Jack's insanity makes it harder for him to kill Annie, Annie's insanity makes it easier for her to kill Jack. Boomstick: Jack's attempt to win this battle would only end in misery. Wiz: The winner is Annie Wilkes.Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'Villain vs. Villain' Themed Death Battles Category:Horror Themed Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:Books Themed Death Battles